These Advice from My Dad That Rescued Us when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to talk amongst men, who still hold onto harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - looking after you is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, changed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."