I Believed That I Identified As a Lesbian - The Legendary Artist Enabled Me to Uncover the Reality

During 2011, several years before the celebrated David Bowie show launched at the renowned Victoria and Albert Museum in London, I publicly announced a lesbian. Previously, I had solely pursued relationships with men, with one partner I had wed. By 2013, I found myself in my early 40s, a recently separated parent to four children, making my home in the America.

Throughout this phase, I had started questioning both my personal gender and sexual orientation, looking to find answers.

My birthplace was England during the early 1970s - before the internet. As teenagers, my friends and I lacked access to online forums or digital content to reference when we had questions about sex; conversely, we looked to pop stars, and in that decade, everyone was experimenting with gender norms.

The Eurythmics singer wore boys' clothes, The Culture Club frontman wore girls' clothes, and bands such as well-known groups featured artists who were proudly homosexual.

I wanted his lean physique and precise cut, his angular jaw and flat chest. I wanted to embody the Berlin-era Bowie

In that decade, I lived operating a motorcycle and dressing like a tomboy, but I reverted back to traditional womanhood when I chose to get married. My partner transferred our home to the US in 2007, but when the marriage ended I felt an undeniable attraction back towards the male identity I had once given up.

Since nobody played with gender quite like David Bowie, I chose to spend a free afternoon during a warm-weather journey back to the UK at the V&A, hoping that maybe he could provide clarity.

I didn't know specifically what I was looking for when I entered the display - perhaps I hoped that by immersing myself in the richness of Bowie's identity exploration, I might, consequently, discover a hint about my personal self.

Before long I was standing in front of a small television screen where the music video for "the iconic song" was recurring endlessly. Bowie was moving with assurance in the foreground, looking polished in a slate-colored ensemble, while positioned laterally three accompanying performers dressed in drag gathered around a microphone.

In contrast to the entertainers I had seen personally, these female-presenting individuals didn't glide around the stage with the confidence of born divas; rather they looked bored and annoyed. Placed in secondary positions, they had gum in their mouths and expressed annoyance at the boredom of it all.

"The song's lyrics, boys always work it out," Bowie performed brightly, apparently oblivious to their diminished energy. I felt a fleeting feeling of connection for the supporting artists, with their heavy makeup, ill-fitting wigs and constricting garments.

They appeared to feel as ill-at-ease as I did in feminine attire - annoyed and restless, as if they were hoping for it all to be over. At the moment when I understood I connected with three individuals presenting as female, one of them tore off her wig, smeared the lipstick from her face, and unveiled herself as ... Bowie! Surprise. (Understandably, there were further David Bowies as well.)

Right then, I was absolutely sure that I desired to rip it all off and emulate the artist. I wanted his lean physique and his sharp haircut, his angular jaw and his flat chest; I sought to become the slim-silhouetted, Bowie's German period. However I couldn't, because to authentically transform into Bowie, first I would need to be a man.

Coming out as queer was a separate matter, but personal transformation was a significantly scarier possibility.

I required additional years before I was ready. In the meantime, I made every effort to embrace manhood: I abandoned beauty products and eliminated all my skirts and dresses, cut off my hair and started wearing male attire.

I sat differently, changed my stride, and changed my name and pronouns, but I halted before hormonal treatment - the possibility of rejection and remorse had caused me to freeze with apprehension.

After the David Bowie exhibition completed its global journey with a presentation in the American metropolis, following that period, I went back. I had experienced a turning point. I found it impossible to maintain the facade to be something I was not.

Facing the same video in 2018, I was absolutely sure that the issue didn't involve my attire, it was my biological self. I wasn't simply a tomboy; I was a male with feminine qualities who'd been presenting artificially throughout his existence. I desired to change into the person in the polished attire, performing under lights, and then I comprehended that I could.

I booked myself in to see a physician shortly afterwards. The process required further time before my transition was complete, but none of the fears I anticipated came true.

I still have many of my female characteristics, so people often mistake me for a gay man, but I'm comfortable with that outcome. I sought the ability to play with gender as Bowie had - and now that I'm content with my physical form, I can.